I have been apart from Sully for what feels like forever. But instead was a few months… I hated the very job I had championed for so many years of my life.
It almost tore us apart.
Every time I have let myself depend on someone, let myself utterly trust and love fully.That person destroys me. It never seems to be an easy breakup or passing love. It feels like fire and brimstone, and in the end I have to rise from the ashes again.
Last week, I thought no matter how hard we try we r just going to hurt each other. SO it began….
Then Friday it blew it up, what amazes me days later when we r happier than ever… Is this… He sent me a box of Roses and they included a letter. He sent this before I acquiesced to his love. Before I trusted in him to help me…and he said what my heart didn’t know it needed to hear.
He began with saying that his first thought was to send me a doz pink roses. strongly scented ones, maybe I would clip one and put it behind my ear. But that thought made him sad. Because I wear flowers behind my ear for a man who never came back for me, my father. And he he intends to always return me.
He said it was when I fought back that he realized how much he had hurt me and he was ashamed. Because I give such sweet love to him. Such pure love. He said he had more to say but someone else would be reading it. SO he would whisper the words to me the day he came back. He said he spent so much of his life wishing for what we have. Through a marriage, three major relationships… I was the constant in his life that his partner should have been. I never let him down, never lied to him, never hurt him. I was always there for him. And that he loved me from the moment I drew a heart on his chest to replace the broken one his wife had stolen. So he sent me a doz of my favorite roses, Marjan roses, from Canada. And they are preserved. Because he hopes the will be a symbol of what he hopes to preserve. A beautiful, long lasting love.
He fought for me and he fought me. And he won me as much as I won him. Because he preserved our love with his beautiful words and a box of preserved roses.
It feels a bit odd at 43 to feel shy, to feel like a coltish girl. To want to hide my face in his chest and have him kiss me breathless. It feels like fireflies in a jar. Like going downhill on a bicycle and taking your feet off the petal. I love him for giving me this feeling. For seeing the bloom so late in the game….