I was taught to bear witness. To never forget. To honor events and people in my life that pass. It is as ingrained in me as breathing.
I stand here with my son, a bastion of all I ever hoped to be, with tears in my eyes. I breathe, a bit dizzy from the height. I swallow regret. I force down the dark memories. I bid him goodbye. Riding the elevator up. I had the happiest thought. Yes I still pay his debt, yes I am not yet divorced. Yes I still carry deep wounds. But he can, NEVER, ever twist my mind or hurt my body again. No more scars and hiding from people bloody and bruised. No more being called every derogatory name in the book just because I am a easy target after a long day…
I have become lit from within again, by my own steam and with others love and care. I am Newt Kai. I am Bee.I am Smoochy Brown, I am Red. NK, Fig Newton, I am G.O. Bean, I am unfailingly me. And today a year later from the day I came home and years later from the day I married that man.
I am internally free.And what a wonderful thing to know… That just as I rise,
The sun also rises.