The Sun Also Rises

I was taught to bear witness. To never forget. To honor events and people in my life that pass. It is as ingrained in me as breathing. 

I stand here with my son, a bastion of all I ever hoped to be, with tears in my eyes. I breathe, a bit dizzy from the height. I swallow regret. I force down the dark memories. I bid him goodbye. Riding the elevator up. I had the happiest thought. Yes I still pay his debt, yes I am not yet divorced. Yes I still carry deep wounds. But he can, NEVER, ever twist my mind or hurt my body again. No more scars and hiding from people bloody and bruised. No more being called every derogatory name in the book just because I am a easy target after a long day…

I have become lit from within again, by my own steam and with others love and care. I am Newt Kai. I am Bee.I am Smoochy Brown, I am Red. NK, Fig Newton, I am G.O. Bean, I am unfailingly me. And today a year later from the day I came home and years later from the day I married that man. 

I am internally free.And what a wonderful thing to know… That just as I rise, 

The sun also rises.


3 thoughts on “The Sun Also Rises

  1. Your picture at the end tells it all – you are beautiful, but you also have a wise and determined look in your eyes – a “don’t fuck with me” look. And that tells it all. I am glad that you are finally rid of that evil, demonic man internally now, as well as externally. He really can’t do anything more to hurt you and, if he tried, you have a legion of us who will go forth and fuck him over.



  2. I love reading this. To know that you’re finally free from him inside your own head. To know that he can’t hurt you just from all the pain you were harboring inside yourself. This is good. You can get on with your life now and not care what he’s doing or where he is, at least past being able to find him to serve divorce papers.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s